His Lord Almighty the Messiah Obama

And it came to pass, in the waning days of Bush a man appeared. He was a humble man of simple means and the man spaketh unto the media saying, “Dost thy know that from this day forward to eternity I am your Lord and God, Barack the Obama, king of kings?” And the media rejoiced for their messiah was amongst them and they cried, “Halleluiah, praise be for our Lord Obama”. For the media knew that vanquished would be the evil Bush, enemy of nations and man. And life was good. It was then that the Obama spake again and said unto his media disciples. “Only the righteous among you may suckle at my glorious teat and the path to righteousness requires the faithful to go out amongst those who have not come to me as their personal savior and witness the path to redemption requires an unbending fidelity to Obama the messiah, thy Lord God”. It was then the disciples of the Obama swarmed across the land testifying and preaching the word of their savior. But then the most evil appeared and called himself McCain. And the sky darkened and pestilence, disease and famine swept across the land. Fertile women suddenly became barren, children burst into flames, dogs were sleeping with cats, Britney Spears put panties on, Paris Hilton stopped making porn movies, Polar bears started committing suicide, the evil Bush began water boarding puppies, grandmothers started smoking crack, cowboys began molesting their horses, nude pictures of Rosie O’Donnell surfaced on the internet, ugly people started going outside during the daytime, Hookers doubled their prices while decreasing their services, Jim Beam stopped making Bourbon, California slipped into the ocean, France invaded Alabama, Cuba towed Florida onto their shores, new cars rusted overnight, nursing homes collapsed, babies stopped suckling and went on hunger strikes, Congress went on a killing spree, televisions imploded, gas rose to $2 billion dollars a gallon, Nuclear weapons began to detonate, flood waters arose, fire rained down from the sky and the disciples of Obama said, “Lord where art thou, why have thee forsaken us?” And then he appeared, thy Lord Obama, king of kings. And with a wave of his messianic hand the world was right again. Hookers lowered their prices, Britney Spears took off her panties and those Paris Hilton videos, “that I’ve never watched” Wink-wink, once again began to appear on those porn sites that I never visit. I know what you’re thinking, How do I know they’ve reappeared if I don’t frequent those sites? Hey, it was simply research, mind your own business. Where was I? Oh, and saint Obama his holiness cured all of the worlds ills and banished the evil McCain to France, where he began doing French male pattern baldness commercials. And all was well with the world. That is until Obama the most merciful lost the deed to America in a crap game with Canada, I’m just saying……

Conservative Springfield 01AUG08