The Great Depression 2

It’s scary out there, no doubt about it. But; don’t panic, with our help you can get through this and live to see Obama impeached for diddling a male intern, I’m just saying. In these uncertain times you’re likely to discover that alcohol will become an important coping tool. After all, when did you ever see the drunks on an airplane panic when the captain reports engine trouble? While the teetotalers are making deals with God, wetting their pants and running up and down the aisle with their hair on fire; the inebriated are in the back of the plane singing, “Red Neck Mother”. All I’m saying is consider vast quantities of booze; and, by the way, I recommend Kentucky bourbon. It’s as smooth as a prom queens thighs and only half as risky.

As economic Armageddon befalls every financial sector you will suffer, “Social collapse run-down economic woes ebullition derangement” or “SCREWED”. And; while there isn’t a cure there is a treatment. Pharmaceutical trials have shown Thorazine to be effective in treating, “SCREWED”. Side Effects include drooling, lazy eye, hallucinations, hair loss, sexual side effects, seizures, anal leaking, Chlamydia, diaper rash, bleeding gums, bubble butts, suicide, sewer rats, thumb sucking, necrophilia, necropsy, warts, freckles, coma, whimpering and death. As with all medicines, consult your healthcare provider before taking any medication. If you don’t want to get, “Screwed” consider Thorazine. Thorazine also comes in a colorful, cherry flavor for children and is safe for infants. Pick some up today!

Sooner or later it’s going to happen. You’ll be standing on a street corner trying to talk yourself out of jumping in front of the next bus. That’s normal; trust me. It’s not going to be easy keeping a positive attitude with the world falling down around you. However; there are proven techniques you can employ to, “Sunny up” your horizons. We suggest Hookers. That’s right; hookers. Cheap hookers will put a smile on your face and a song in your heart. And; under an Obama administration they are tax deductible. If you’re really lucky you’ll get a fatal STD that will put you out of your misery. When visiting that hooker, be sure you tell her Conservative Springfield sent you. You’ll get a discount and we’ll get our cut. Everybody wins!

In trying times it always makes you feel better when you come across someone worse off than you. That’s just human nature. When you’re really down we suggest visiting an orphanage, burn unit, critical care facility or morgue. Once you see just how destitute, despondent and dead others are, you can’t help feeling better about yourself. After all; it’s all about perspective and your relative position to those less fortunate than you. So, revel in someone else’s misery and feel better about your lot in life. Proving, once again, misery does love company.

Just a couple more tips. Taking for granted that you will lose your home shortly after Obama takes office you’ll be shopping for an apartment or refrigerator box. Make sure to get one on the first floor. As your depression about the depression worsens, you will be tempted to jump out the window.
If for any reason you have to replace your stove; get electric, not gas. That way, when you feel the urge to put your head in the oven, you’ll just singe a little hair.
Just remember; whatever’s left after four years of Obama we can sell to Mexico for kindling. I’m just saying.
Conservative Springfield 29 DEC 08

Evil Conservative Industries

Here at Evil Conservative Industries we care aboutpeople, people who
need people. After all, they’re the luckiest people in the world. Evil
Conservative Industries is not only the largest producer of gruel for
orphanages; oh no, our company is gearing up for the future in many
capital ventures. And, with the Obama inauguration right around the
corner you’ll want to know just how we plan on surviving the, “Obama
years” and what we can do for you.
That’s why we’re proud to announce our partnership with Acme Education
and Yahoo to bring a product right into your home and don’t you want
to know what it is? Our top flight researchers have calculated an 80%
unemployment rate soon after Barry blows into Washington and a 110%
federal tax on the 20% still employed. We don’t have to tell you,
that’s bad news. Unless, you are prepared for the new economy and have
the skills it will take to survive. That’s where we come in folks.
We’re offering online educational courses that will guarantee
prosperity for you and your family during the, “Barry Years”. What
could be more important to you? For a small fee* you too can live
through this nightmare and vote Palin in 2012.
Just take the time to look through the career options we offer online
and choose the career that best suits you. After all; we’re all in
this together.

High Classed Whore, or Lo Class Ho
Syllabus: How to pick a pimp
How to hide money from your pimp
Shopping for a lawyer
Spotting a good bail bondman
Condoms 101
Competitive pricing
Product advertisement and marketing
Hygiene
Spandex
How to manage the police
How to make that corner pay

Look at it this way; The Elliot Spitzer girl made $4000 an hour.
Disclaimer, “There is no way your fat ass will make $4000 and hour”.
However, even a tubby like you could make $10 and hour in the hood;
times 400 hours and there you go!

Pick Pocket Artist
Syllabus: Pick a pocket and get paid
Grafting
How to spot a rube
Making prison a positive
The pigeon swap techniques
Pursuing purses
Carnival classics
Flim Flam Fun

Picking pockets isn’t just a career choice. It’s also a neat trick at
parties, dinners or barmitsvas.

Insurance Scammer
Syllabus: This class has been filled with Trial Lawyers

Loan Shark
Syllabus: Knee capping
Gangster Vernacular
Bribing beat cops
Cement Shoes
Occupational math and the, “Vig”
Positive point spreads for professionals
How to beat the street 101

Pimp
Syllabus: The Social stigma of bitch slapping
Popular Whore holdout spots
Tricks of the trade
Fashion
Pimpin yo ride
Verbiage; I.E. “Yo, Yo, Yo lil’ mama, wutz poppin wich
yo fine lookin self’?
Pimp walkin’
Flashin’ yo cash 101

Shoplifting
Syllabus: Grab and Dash
Fake pregnancy holdout
Where security won’t look
Is that a CD in your pocket or are you happy to see
me?
Be the felony

Competitive Eating
Syllabus: Purging Plans
Gut Busters
Tummy tricks
Gas avoidance
Keg abs

Panhandler
Syllabus: Forlorn facial expression
Brother can you spare a dime?
Medical excuses
Fake limping
Bum lingo

Community organizing
Syllabus: Rabble rousing
Effective protesting
Sign design
Tax dodges
Scamming for success
Taking it to the streets

*Fee may be extremely large
Conservative Springfield 23 DEC 08

It is End-Time

I know what you’re thinking; when I predicted gloom and doom, despair and desperation, an economy on the precipice; you scoffed from behind your rose colored glasses, wrote me off as a short busser, then continued down Pollyanna road. Now; oh now, the very financial wisdom I postulated, posited and spoke of so pointedly seems quite prophetic and proper. It is the financial end-time but it’s worse than even I put forth. The housing market meltdown, “via the sub-prime debacle” was only the first shoe to drop. There are at least shoe stores of shoes dropping behind curtain number two; unbeknownst to Middle America or Obama voters.

As America is focused on the chia pet, “Rod Blagoyavich”, those wacky, loveable leftists that burned to the ground Sarah Palin’s church, the shoe size of Baghdad reporters, Rome is burning and the left is buying marshmallows. Pay attention here as this is likely to be one of the best economics lessons you’ve ever had. And, for free; I make economics interesting. Even for Obama voters.

The sub-prime meltdown has gone global and seeped into commercial properties. Investors Business Daily predicts a forty percent occupancy rate within two years. That’s shoe number two. Clodhopper three is the ballooning un-employment numbers that are increasing prime rate defaults. Nike® number four is much more Machiavellian and diabolical. High un-employment, sub-prime defaults, commercial defaults and prime defaults produce what we are seeing in California; contracted revenues to local, state and federal receipts. As government continues to expand to the, “be-all, end-all” of the huddled masses, this financial train is coming down the mountain at break neck speed, brakes be damned and will come off the tracks.

The Federal Reserve, also known as, “the financial stooges” intends to combat the fiduciary meltdown by throwing pies at each other, poking each other in the eye, yuk, yuk, and lowering interest rates to zero or less, ala Alan Greenspan. Note; economics lesson number one. Cheap money always finds a home. Not always a good home, but a home. Cheap money after 911 has a symbiotic duality of shared responsibility with those cheese eating, rat faced democrats whom cheerleadered Fannie and Freddie, the root of all evil.

Present day; enter George Bush, Hank Paulson et al. As a conservative I have a reoccurring dream that, “Darth Vader”, Dick Cheney, quietly suffocates the compassionate conservative and takes his rightful place on the throne. I mean really; we are going to spend our way out of debt? Not bloody likely mate! Try that in your personal finances.

The Federal Reserve is investing $billions in T- bills with a guaranteed return of rate at zero. If that’s not the rooster crowing at midnight I don’t know what is. It’s also called inventing money. Look this is simple; and, it’s simply explained. Recently a representative of Israel revealed a conversation that he had held with our President. It went as so; Bush told, “HIM” that America would always be there for Israel, provided that we survived. Commodity sellers are predicting gold at $2000 an ounce next year. The dollar is falling with oil though oil is pegged to the dollar. We are seeing record deflation. Short sellers have taken over Wall Street. The Fed, Treasury and option sellers are running around like their hair is on fire. It is the financial end-time; it’s just no one wants to admit it, yet.

Depressions are the frog in ever an increasing hot water kettle. Regardless of your historical perspective or education, America did not enter a depression with the crashing markets of 1929. No; soon after the crash, markets spiked and ebbed. That is, until government got involved. We are the only country that refers to the worldwide depression as, “the great depression”. Because; we are the only country to suffer it for a decade, thanks to our benevolent government. We are pursuing the same track as the linear thoughts of Hoover and Roosevelt. Government intrusion in markets only insures everlasting harm.

It would seem that no government wants a little pain on their watch. Instead, punting great pain; ala kicking the can down the road, onto the next generation. Doing so only makes the looming crisis larger while mortgaging our children’s future. But now, the road is a dead end for the can. It is the end time, buckle up, it’s apt to get bumpy from here.

What to watch for. Treasury notes are yielding zero return. T-bills are simply American debt. Foreign countries have stopped buying our debt, knowing we can never possibly repay. And; the final shoe to drop will be a run on the dollar. When this happens we’ll, “overnight” turn into a third world, banana republic, looking to Mexico for aid.

What we could do but won’t, and why. While it isn’t possible to avoid a great deal of financial pain there are things, “legitimate practices” our government could so engage. First, we could repeal the compliance hindrances that government has shackled business with. Then we could apply common sense initiatives, such as a flat corporate tax rate of five percent. Applying the same rate to capital gains taxes would infuse private investment into industry and spawn the erection of industrial infrastructure. Manufacturing jobs would tsunami back to our shores as producers enjoy the benefit of production near consumption.

Of course, we will never do that, preferring to go down with the ship, as it were. Democrats will never accept a lowering of taxes on evil corporations as they are the genesis of class warfare. And, even if they were predisposed to do so, Russia, China and India all have much lower corporate tax rates than we do. They would never abide industry returning to America. For if we endeavored to do this, these countries would flood the world with our dollars, collapsing our economy. So, as I said, and will stand firmly by, “It is the End Time”.
Conservative Springfield 17 Dec 08
It is End-Time

President Joe Biden

Whenever someone tells me, “move along, nothing to see here” I get suspicious. So, with the news media, the Obama camp and legal beagles coming out of the woodwork to emphasize the seven degrees of separation between Governor Rod Blagojevich and Barack Yo’ Mama, my spidy senses start twitching.
Living in Illinois I can attest to this; we’ve known for years what the rest of the country is only now finding out, our governor has treated the electorate of this state much like a baby treats a diaper. The citizenry of the state saw this coming. We had only hoped the arrest of this rube to be more akin to Rodney King than Scooter Libby; maybe next time.


Though expected, there are aspects of this case that seem to make little or no sense. First, leaks don’t come out of the U.S. attorneys’ office in Chicago. It just doesn’t happen. Say what you will about Patrick Fitzgerald, “and I’ve said a lot” he runs a tight ship and suffers not fools. Yet, as soon as the ink was dry on federal warrants to wiretap governor “hairball”, the Chicago Tribune had the story and prepared to run it. Fitzgerald got them to hold the story until one week before the arrest. Meaning, the leak had to have come from the FBI, who, by the way, will have none other than Barry-O appointing a new director in a few weeks.
Coincidentally, Valerie Jarrett, Barry’s choice to replace him, withdrew her name from consideration just as the Chicago Tribune printed the story revealing governor Rod had become an audiophile. Why did she suddenly stop wanting to be a United States senator with all of the accompanying graft? Hmmm….


Another thing; I’m not for one second buying this altruism defense of Elliot Ness in shutting down this investigation when he did so. It’s beginning to look like Pat was more afraid of whom he might catch in his net than the bass he’d already boated. It’s lunacy to shut down an investigation before the actual crime being investigated is committed.


In legal terms all we have here is intent and possibly a conspiracy. For binding legal precepts, “what is needed” is an offer, acceptance and consideration. This case represents only one of the three binds. A stated fear that the governor might actually commit the crime and appoint a senator is at best disingenuous. A legal remedy would have been available. Fitzgerald could have ridden in on his white horse, exposed the bribe along with the briber, tracked the exchange of compensation, slapped the cuffs on the perps and give us the perp walk we were denied. The Senate would have never allowed that senator in waiting to be seated and we could begin construction of the Illinois wing at the Federal penitentiary.


No, there’s something here that doesn’t pass the smell test. And, don’t even think this is the end of governor, “hot Rod”. He isn’t wired like that. You can bet he is setting in his office taking offers of large dough to keep his mouth shut. Why do you think the democratically controlled, Illinois house of representatives is balking at impeachment? You can bet your grannies homemade apple pie recipe that he has dirt on all the leadership. That’s just the way Illinois works.


Back to Obama; it’s well known around Chicago that federal investigators have been roaming the city and paying special attention to real estate brokers. In particular those involved with the sale of Hyde Park properties owned by one Anthony Rezko and Hussein Obama. Evidently Mr. Rezko has been very helpful in these endeavors. Perhaps now we’ll see just how, “law and order” Patrick Fitzgerald is. Can you say President Joe Biden?

Conservative Springfield 12 DEC 08

All We Have To Fear Is Government

The economy has gotten so bad, that even prostitutes are instituting a buy one get one free policy and getting in line for a government bailout. Come to think of it; the executives of the big three auto companies have a lot in common with these working girls. They’ll do any for money too. At least the working girls are providing a service in demand.
Now the states ‘hat in hand ’are joining the bailout line along with the RICHIE Richs’s of wall street, Tom, Dick and Harry, Insurance companies, credit card lenders, media outlets , Fannie, Freddie and Fonzie, major banks, and coming to a theater near you, drug dealers from the hood.

Look; here’s what you need to know………
This alphabet bailout has as much chance of working as Senator Robert Byrd has of forming a coherent thought, Not Bloody Likely!
Ignoring the equal protection clause our Federal government has taken upon itself the ordained responsibility of picking winners and losers. Those taxpayers working in factories owned by Nissan, Toyota, Honda and Kia located within our borders will be “through forced benevolence” counted upon to support the very companies they are competing against. Think of it this way; you make DVD’s for a living and are forced to subsidize your neighbor who produces VHS tapes and buys houses he can ill afford. After all; just add Mom, apple pie and Chevrolet; Then Ford, Chrysler and Citibank. It’s like Threes Company without Mr. Roper. All punch lines with no straight man or straight talk

“The Senate banking”, committee; along with the era of central planning” “socialist cabal, I.E. Ben Bernake, Henry Paulson ET. Al.” has taken upon them the mantle of but plug to the American economy, when what needed be is a fire hydrant enema of biblical proportions. The only arbitrator of success should be the market. {Emphasis Mine} Capitalism is simply the Freedom to engage in commerce.

Provided autonomy; markets work, capital seeks profit, production, equity and competence is rewarded. Conversely; Incompetence, government influence and irresponsible leverage is punished.
The business model of capitalism, “left to its own devices” cannot be improved upon or tweaked by government. Capitalism doesn’t pick winners or losers; it simply defines success and failure by rewarding one and punishing the other.

Enter GSE’s or “government sponsored entities”, also known as, “destructive economics”. This phenomenon began with Fannie and Freddie and has spread like a virus into our banking system, corporate America and soon to the big three. Ostensibly, GSE’s cannot fail as they are backed by the full faith and fortune of the government, our tax dollars. Taking failure off the table removes accountability and adulterates capitalism into socialism. Capitalism distributes wealth unequally; Socialism distributes poverty equally.

The government’s rationale for dog-piling itself into every nook and cranny of our economy is the dark and barren financial predictions of doom and gloom, the end of time. Obama claims to create two million jobs with his autocratic benevolence.

Back to destructive economics; I can create jobs in my home town by breaking every plate glass, storefront window in the downtown area. Glaziers would hire more employees, glass suppliers would boom and window installers would be taking whole hogs home instead of just the bacon. But, I have created those jobs by taking money out of pocket, “A” just to put it in pocket, “B”; destructive economics. This is government job creation in a nutshell.
It’s too dangerous a time in the yet un-written history of America for our benefactors in Washington to be fiddling while Main Street burns. Our economy is in deflation, a much more serious financial ill than its evil symbiotic twin; inflation. Deflations result in depressions; inflation is part and parcel to recessions. Deflation is simply too many goods and services chasing too few dollars. Inflation is too many dollars chasing too few goods and services. It’s fairly simple and doesn’t require a degree in higher math.

Here comes Uncle Sam, at a time when government should be seen and not heard. Treasury is loaning $trillions of dollars to banks who in turn are buying other banks and, “you guessed it” buying treasury bills. Think of it as the banks putting all of their money under the mattress.

What government can do? Frankly, we’d be money ahead just to pay congress to go on vacation for a couple of years. Anything they do, “short of nothing” will only exacerbate current financial woes and insure America suffers the great depression two.

As government jumps into our markets with both feet and takes warrants in our financial and industrial markets they reinforce investor’s fears. Literally $6 trillion dollars of investment equity remains sidelined in fear of competing with Uncle Sam and his striped, deep pockets.
For instance; will Toyota, Nissan, Honda, Kia, et al. continue to transplant factories into this country, knowing the united auto workers have access to the treasury of the United States?

Conversely; what investor would employ capital into General Motors knowing full well that common stock in GM® now takes a back seat to the federal government and 330 million Americans?

Though it isn’t represented in the text of our constitution, we are incessantly beat over the head with the liberal mantra, “separation of church and state”. For our union to survive I would postulate this; what we should abide is a separation of capitalism and government.
Conservative Springfield 09 DEC 08

Soliais,

Republican Sen. Saxby Chambliss, fresh off his victory over challenger Jim Martin in the Georgia Senate runoff, told FOX News Wednesday that campaign trail appearances by Sarah Palin helped put him over the top.

Both candidates brought in heavy hitters to stump for them in the final days before the runoff.

Former President Bill Clinton and former Vice President Al Gore hit the stump for Martin. And a host of candidates from the GOP presidential primary, including GOP nominee John McCain, stumped for Chambliss.

"We had some great folks in. Obviously, you want to peak on the last day, and we had John McCain and Mike Huckabee and Governor Romney and Rudy Giuliani," Chambliss told FOX News.

But he said Palin, who showed up for rallies in Georgia on Monday, had the most impact

The Battle for the Republican Party

A recent poll confirms what we conservatives have known for some time; we want Sarah. This scares Republicans and Democrats alike; yet for diametrical different causes. The GOP fears Palin for what she is and represents. Governor Palin is a conservative, not a milquetoast, knee wobbly Republican with wetted finger always in the air. No, she is a dyed in the wool, self made giant killer. Just ask the Republican machine in Alaska. She not only took on the corrupt GOP machine in Alaska, she sent a lot of Republicans to jail. She doesn’t play ball, she doesn’t go along to get along. This scares the hell out of the RNC and is evident by the Republican senate majority leader in Juno. With a stroke of her pen the majority leader could have ended the senate investigation into, “trooper gate” faster than Obama can hide his birth certificate. She encouraged the investigation because she is still part of the dismantled Republican machine in Juno. And, she holds a grudge.
Conversely, Democrats fear Palin because in her they see Reagan. They see a confident, affable, straight talker that they know will resonate with the American people. This is why she must be destroyed; and, make no mistake; they will attempt to do so. Just as soon as the Obamagasm wears off.
For you conspiracy kooks out there who remain convinced that the CIA killed Kennedy and Sarah Palin hurt the McCain campaign it’s probably time to get off the smoke-able herbs and cactus flowers. I’m just saying.
To the time machine Mr. Wizard! {Back to August 2007} There was as much enthusiasm for John McCain in the Republican Party as there is for cold gruel in an orphanage. Let’s face it; McCain has the personality of cardboard. Oh, and there was that amnesty thing, the gang of fourteen, McCain Feingold, his opposition to tax cuts and a bad comb-over.
Palin on the ticket ensured he wouldn’t lose by double digits. If we are to be pragmatic we would admit this election was almost certain to sway Democrat. Americans were war weary, the economy tanked, the media swooned and Brittney shaved her head. Comparatively it’s somewhat of a miracle Obama didn’t win all fifty-seven states.
It’s probably too early to be putting up your Palin for President Yard signs, “at least wait until Obama is inaugurated” but a recent poll suggests she is the darling of the GOP and an ever omnipresent force in the political arena. We will see. What we know is this; there is a battle for the soul of the Republican Party. It’s the Christians and Lions all over again. Except this time the Lions are conservatives.
Conservative Springfield 02 DEC 08