Wondering where to take that well deserved vacation this year? We get a lot of that. Sure, there’s Daytona Beach, Disney World, Acapulco and the French Riviera, but we’ve all been there, done that and frankly it’s getting old. Conservatives are looking for something different this summer and we’ve got the solution for your vacation dilemma and don’t you want to know what it is? Evil Conservative Industries® has teamed up with Norwegian cruise vacations to bring conservatives vacation options that are sure to ensure lasting, fond memories and a vacation experience you’ll treasure for a lifetime and relive over and over.
We are proud to announce conservative vacation packages that include a scenic cruise to Newfoundland for the baby seal clubbing season. Vacationers will be supplied with their own personalized clubs and tinted goggles to prevent eye damage. For those senior conservatives we’ll supply lawn chairs and illegal aliens to do the actual clubbing for them. Bring your digital cameras because you’re going to want to share these memories with your loved ones and especially your grandchildren.
For those conservatives who really want to enjoy the outdoors we’ve contracted with Remington firearms and Backpack outfitters to bring you the best nature experience possible and the most rewarding. For a nominal fee we’ll trek you into the rugged canyons of California to hunt the elusive California condor. Trust us when we tell you that there is nothing more sumptuous than a condor roasting over an open flame, it tastes just like chicken. For just a few extra dollars we’ll stuff and mount your condor and mount it in a prominent place within your home. Nothing says class like a California condor mounted in your home.
And guess what? We’ve saved the best for last.
If you use your Visa or MasterCard we’ll throw in a vacation experience that will warm your cold, evil conservative heart, honest.
As conservatives we all want to whack every damn polar bear on the planet, just for the hell of it, after all they’ve been asking for it.
Act now and we’ll throw in trip to the artic and supply you with the latest weaponry to take out as many of these smug yogi bears as possible. After all, they would kill you.
At Evil Conservative Industries we’re on the cutting edge of conservatism and supplying conservative wants and needs, we’re just that caring. And, we’re not resting on our laurels, oh no. We are constantly working on ways to destroy the environment, endangered species and increase our carbon footprint. We won’t rest until every square in of the planet is covered in concrete and every tree is either a home or a desk. That is our mission, and we take it seriously, honest.
Conservative Springfield 11JUL08
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