Gone Fishin'

This just pisses me off. Have you heard the latest from our, “friends” in Europe? Since the economic meltdown these ungrateful European bastards have decided that American capitalism simply doesn’t work. As an adjunct to their postulation they posit presciently that perhaps another world currency, “other than the American dollar” is needed. A new world currency, if you will.

Let me be the first to opine in this regard; Europe can kiss my white American ass, both cheeks. I mean; I get Spain, they bent over and grabbed the ankles a long time ago. Those spaghetti, meatball eating swarthy wanna-be Sopranos’ raised the white flag soon after the Madrid bombings while setting a new Guinness world record for surrendering; Replacing the French who had long held the all time record for surrender. Quite a feat when you consider that the French constitution requires all its’ citizens to wear white underwear, “just in case they have to surrender on the spot”. Way to go Spain, you’re number one!

And; what about the French? French president Nicolas Sarkozy slipped right under our radar by pretending to be a conservative. All the while he was just the frog in need of gigging. The French are probably the worst of these back-stabbers. Really; think about it, all we’ve ever wanted from the French are those French maids; you know the ones…in the little maid outfit, sporting a feather duster and a wry smile. Well, maybe champagne too. Other than these two redeeming qualities just what in the Sam Hill do they contribute to society as a whole? I’ve got my hand up because I know the answer. Not one damn thing! Other than hairy armpits, surly attitudes and let’s not forget the hygiene. Wait; forget the hygiene!
Since Obama will never take these impudent, inbred philistines to task; I say we tourists do it. Next time you’re in France just loudly proclaim, “Hey, I love your cuisine, what say I meet you downtown later with a box of wine and some French fries”? Or, “How bout that freedom you enjoy, it only costs us 600,000 Americans, so hey, you’ve got the freedom to smell like a dirty diaper on a wet goat! Or; thanks for the statue, too bad it turned green!
While you beret wearing, Jean Claude’s have been actively changing your national motto from, “let them eat cake” to “Viva La Surrender” we have been leading the world in every form of human endeavor; you parasites have suckled at our teat and enjoyed our protection while staring down your snooty, unwashed noses at us.
The British are no better. After all; it was the British who first gave us the definition of Virgin Wool; that’s right... ugly sheep. For these snaggle-teeth, tea sipping popinjays to ever behold the audacity to question the United States about anything is laughable. This from a country which has spent the last fifty years giving away an empire. By the way; there was that, “we saved their ass from Uncle Adolph” thing, I’m just saying.
And finally; those Kraut eating, lederhosen wearing, Aryan asses, the Germans. This from a country that actually took pride in defeating the French, “like that had never been done before”. The country most responsible for the creation of an Israeli state; giving a country to the very people they tried to annihilate! And, best of all, the only country on the planet to elect a man with half a mustache.
I’ve had it with these one horse countries, these banana republics, “with snow”, telling us how to run a railroad. We are the United Fricken States of America, by God. We created meat on a stick, the hamburger, the atomic bomb, I Dream of Jeannie. We discovered oil, invented internet porn, beat the hell out of the Indians, invented air conditioning and Football. We are the fattest people on the planet and damn proud of it. We waste more than these pissants’ consume. We are number one in every field of human endeavor. In Short; We Rock!
So; listen up you ungrateful Europeans. Sooner or later you’ll produce another Hitler, another Mussolini. And; guess what? We’ll have a sign hanging off that crappy, green statue that reads; “Gone Fishin”. I’m just saying…
Conservative Springfield 14 Jan 08