America Files For Chapter 11 Bankruptcy Protection

Washington-May, 29

On Friday President Barack Obama announced that the United States would be filing for chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in federal court. Obama told White House press reporters that, “a bankruptcy filing was necessary to prevent China from foreclosing on California, New York, Washington D.C. and Hillary Clinton”.

The president also announced a move to lay off congress and their staffs citing insufficient funds to keep them on the payroll. Retail giant Wal-Mart has expressed interest in the capitol buildings as a possible new Super Store.

In a prefatory ruling the court has asked for Americas credit card to be cut up, shredded, burned and finally buried at the tomb of the unknown creditor.

Mr. Obama’s last ditch effort to save the economy by turning every American upside down and shaking them failed miserably when his Internal Revenue Service realized they had already taken the last cent of every citizen.

It would now seem that America’s future is in the hands of the federal bankruptcy courts. Some of the more contentious issues before the court will be whether Venezuela or Cuba will get custody of Obama, how many states will be remunerated to China, who will lay claim to the White House china and who will accept conservatorship over Paris Hilton.

It is expected that the federal judge overseeing the bankruptcy will allow Obama to sell the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone national park, Alaska, Britney Spears, the Statue of Liberty, the Marine Corps, the Olsen twins, the rights to the Three Stooges, Glenn Beck, Snapple®, NASA, the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, the Simpsons, the Golden gate bridge and Charmin® to raise operating capital to finance Michelle Obama’s wardrobe while the dissolution of America winds its way through the courts.

In a related story; Obama has signed an executive order in preface of the chapter 11 filing recalling all United States currency. Citizens are ordered to burn their cash in an environmentally safe fashion. A recent poll suggests that most Americans have already begun this practice, quite possibly just to stay warm as Obama’s global warming initiative has made electricity too costly for the average family.

The President, in his weekly radio address asked of all Americans to remain calm during this, “foreclosure” and attempting to allay national fears he reminded the public that when you think about it, it’s really their fault the country went to hell in a hand basket because; as the president put it, “Hey, you wanted hope and change”. It should be noted that in the same address Obama asked the American people for any loose change they might be hoarding.

It is as yet unclear what America will look like after bankruptcy proceedings and time will tell if the United States chapter 11 filing will eventually avalanche into a full blown fire sale, chapter 7. However; an ominous tenor has been forthcoming by the administration in that Obama is now requiring Chinese to be taught in our public schools instead of math.

Conservative Springfield Staff Writer