Liberalism Cannot Be Defended; I Dare You To Try

Just recently, on this forum, two questions were posited for answer and perusal of those participants whose chose to participate. They were prescient questions deserving of an intelligent, thoughtful response. The two questions in question were these; what is a liberal and what is a conservative? The poster asked for well thought out, specific descriptions of the opposite ends of the political spectrum. As expected, as usual, I not only stepped up to the plate, I knocked it out of the park. I put on a blinding brilliance of literary composition rarely seen in human endeavor. {See my response below}
However, not one little, Lilliputian, liberal lackey bucked up, took the stage and dared to proffer a positive portrayal of the affliction that is modern liberalism. And, I think I know why. It would be much akin to pointing out the benefits of cancer.
Liberalism has no basis in fact, reason or sanity. It is unrealistic, antithetic to the principals and values this country was founded upon and requires the willing suspension of disbelief, “sound familiar?”
Liberals claim to believe in our constitution and derided George W. Bush for violating it by, “torturing” detainees currently living the good life at the renowned vacation retreat in the tropical paradise lovingly referred to as Club Gitmo.
Yet liberals are nuanced in their devotion to the constitution that we conservatives consider sacrosanct. They ignore section two and enumerated powers; they are blind to the tenth amendment limiting federal authority to only those enumerated powers.
If they were honest with themselves, “not bloody likely” they would admit this one truism that is the wooden stake in the heart of Looney liberalism, it is the silver bullet, the Ark of the Covenant. Our founders were conservative. This is inarguable and unassailable. This country was founded on the principals of conservatism and our founding documents reflect that; without doubt. It’s all there, in the words of those brave men whom bore this country. Read them, learn them and then; “if you dare”, argue your liberal point of view and open yourself up to be rhetorically dragged behind my smoke belching SUV, flailing in you flawed ideology. So, let’s just light this firecracker. Liberalism is a false premise and cannot be defended, that’s why no one even tried. Liberalism is the most spineless, yellow-bellied ideology one can ascribe to. It requires no critical thinking or workable solutions. One needs only to appear compassionate.
And there is the crux of the malady known as liberalism. It’s all about feelings. These tweed jackets, pseudo-intellectuals glom on to every Oprah moment to come down the pike and then smugly look down their bifocals at the rest of the great unwashed as characters from Deliverance. Yet; not one damn thing these dust bunnies have ever put forth works. Take the war on poverty; for instance. Since 1964 we have transferred $12TRILLION dollars from the haves, to the have not’s. Yet poverty levels haven’t decreased. We’ve only succeeded in insuring every Joe-No-Lunchbox has a flat screen television in his hovel. Liberals demanded sex education in our public schools. So… what happened? Well; we now have a society where the only virgins are ugly sixth graders and teachers not only teach sex but also turn down the lights and put on Sinatra for their students. The good news is that even though little Suzy is squeezing out her twelfth rug rat those food stamps will keep on coming. Thanks to liberals. Still; we mustn’t examine the outcomes of liberal policies; oh no, we must only focus on their good intentions. Well; spank my ass and call me Judy. I’m done with letting you liberals set the premise and change the measure of success.
You liberal piles of steaming excrement deserve both barrels and I’ve got an itchy trigger finger. In other words; it’s time to barbeque some ass and I’ve got the spit.

1.The energy crisis is your fault. Environmentalists, tree hugging, “arbor perverts” and your PETA pal pundits have blocked, at every turn, our effort to drill in ANWAR, off of our coasts and anywhere we might conceivably increase supply. You have blocked the construction of fuel refineries. Your useful idiots in the, “Sierra Club” have shut down or halted more coal mines and coal power plants than can be counted using basic math. You and your ilk have sued in federal court to halt the construction of nuclear power plants and when you are successful, in doing so, you run to your homes to watch Jane Fonda’s overacting performance in, “The China Syndrome”. And you weep. Well, let me be succinct and blaring. Get over it. We have more oil in this country and off of our coasts than is present in the entire Middle East. We are the Saudi Arabia of coal. We have the greatest nuclear technology in the world. We have more natural gas in this country than all of the hot air you’ve been bellowing for forty years.

2.You are the racists, sexists, bigots and homophobes. It is you leftists who categorize people into groups and then attempt to make them victims. Conservatives don’t give a rat’s rear end about a person’s skin color, their sex or what they do in the privacy of their bedrooms. You left leaning, Leninist liars have taken three of our conservative dictums and completely perverted them. That being the diabolical divergence of affirmative action, our rigidity against gay marriage and our opposition to abortion. My over active grey matter can easily portray these vapid portrayals for the inept pronouncements they are. For those of you being literarily dazzled I have a question, a most prescient one; how much time have you spent lately thinking about my sex life? That’s how much I spent thinking about yours. If you want to be gay, be gay. Marriage however, is a time honored tradition and shouldn’t be adulterated. Affirmative action; we are all created equal. No one should be granted special rights, “or denied them” because of any distinguishing identifier. Abortion; Find a general right to privacy in our constitution and we can talk. The Supreme Court cannot, out of whole cloth, enumerate constitutional text. We’ll throw in that pesky moral dilemma for good measure.

3.It is you that has cheapened what our founders born. Were it so, that the founders of this country existed today, I’m just saying; There would be a lot of liberals, limply lying at the end of a short rope strung from a tall tree. The constitution you so readily hide behind when spouting your socialist rhetoric is the same constitution you treat as, “Charmin” three ply when you stumble across text you find disagreeable. You cite the separation of church and state, where one does not exist. You support limitations on our second amendment. The bastardization of our tenth amendment has your fingerprints all over it. You demand more and more from federal government instead of abiding personal responsibly and rugged individualism. Reflect, if you dare and ponder this; were our founders conservative or liberal? Genuine reflection should make you reach for pharmaceuticals in vast quantities. Prozac anyone?


4.For what you have done to our children there will be a special place in hell. Loony liberals have been running our educational system for 40 years. Juxtapose that statistic with our falling international scholastic test scores America and her children have long endured. The liberal educational system is but one of the few endeavors wherein we accept greater and greater financing without positive result. In Washington D.C. the taxpayers fund each student to the sum of $25,000.00 per student, per year. Yet, 50% still do not graduate. We are told, more money is needed, while, in truth, what is needed is to run these liberal, tweed jacket nerds into the ocean, at high tide. I have a deep faith Mr. Jefferson would approve.


5.You despise the poor. You must, look what you have done to them. The war on poverty began in 1964 by the real idiot from Texas. Trumpeted by leftists it has decimated inner cities and many small towns. You have taken from those you’ve sought to help all self sufficiency, independence, self reliance and dignity god gave them. You have made poverty just comfortable enough to abide in. Benjamin Franklin said that poverty should be uncomfortable and people should be run from it. You have made poverty cozy, ensuring it will be endured.

6.If it’s broken, you broke it. The listing of your liberal transgressions is endless. That statement is all encompassing and meant to be so. By nature, conservatives have a deep reverence for our constitution, for the sacrifice of our founders, for American exceptionalism, manifest destiny and hold unshakable beliefs that God so endowed this country. So, by default, if it’s broken, liberals broke it. Happy Trails.


Conservative Springfield Staff Writer