This is Just Too Funny

I often wonder if democrats realize just what a laughing stock they have become. Think about it, as a humorist, is there a more target rich environment? But, most delightful is the all consuming schadenfreude we conservatives derive from laughing at them as they snobbishly assume we are laughing with them. To quote Rush; “we are having more fun than a human being should be allowed to have”.

Think about it; the democrats have foisted upon their legions pestilence, famine and misery and those great unwashed, leftward leaning dregs reply in unison, “thank you sir; may I have another”. It’s like watching Barney Fife make a citizens arrest.

You sometimes one has to wonder if democrat voters are suffering from beaten wife syndrome, call it beaten voter syndrome. Really, the voting predisposition for blacks in this country favors democrats nine to one, when history would suggest a polar opposite political persuasion in that demographic. After all, it was the northern republicans that fought against slavery. It was republicans that Lyndon Johnson turned to for support of civil rights legislation. That being the same Lyndon Johnson responsible for the war on poverty, by the way, how’s that going? I’ll give you a hint; visit any discount grocery on the third of any month and you can see for yourself. It’s disgusting. Had any other country did that to any minority living within our borders we would be at a state of war. Yet, the black community continues their incessant, incestuous marriage with those that have re-enslaved them. {Insert punch line here}

The recent financial collapse that will end western civilization is just the latest comedy directed by the DNC and targeted squarely at those they purport to care for, the poor and the elderly. Still, the AARP is the geriatric version of ACORN with fewer teeth and subsidized Viagra. That’s a knee slapper of guffaw proportion.

Democrats insert, “the children” into every postulate and proposal. After all, think of the children. All the while it is those same Leninist who have destroyed public education and squelched any attempt at privatization. And, of course, the teachers union responds by raising their union dues in order to greater finance the politicians that bent them over in the first place. Moe, Larry and Curly would be proud.

While a large majority of Jews routinely vote democrat it is those same democrats that have thwarted Israel’s right to crush their enemies with extreme prejudice. Hey, this is really a hoot; John Kerry enjoyed 70% of the Jewish vote in 2004. That’s just laugh out loud funny.

Most funny, at least for me, is the constant harping by Nitze neurotics about their support for the constitution while Charminizing it as toilet tissue and berating George Bush for following article two. Really, it’s Laverne and Shirley all over again.

Show me a problem and I will dust for the fingerprints of democrats every time. From Vietnam to Venezuela, a common denominator in all human endeavors is the presence of those rascally democrats.

As America is peering into the abyss and socializing our financial institutions take heart and enjoy, for it is the comedy of errors tickling our funny bone even as Rome burns. So, I say, let it all go to hell, let’s enjoy the collapse and revel in the discombobulating demise. For such is true and unassailable; when we re-visit 1860 and begin civil war two, those pinky waving Leninists loving laugh tracks will not be at war with civil blue blood republican senators that they have routinely romped. Oh no, they will be up against a much more formidable foe, that is we conservatives and here is the most prescient truisms ever posited; we practice the second amendment, with a vengeance.

Conservative Springfield 15 OCT 08

Let a Racehorse Run

Don’t you just wish John McCain would shut the hell up? I mean really, if the highlight of his speech is a critical guess as to the angle of his comb over then why even bother. If I hear from him once more that now is not the time for blame and what is needed is bi-partisanship I swear I’m going to break a chair on that comb over thus creating a permanent part.

If this isn’t the time for partisanship and blame someone please tell me when the time is. That’s the problem with this anointed bailout. No blame has been assigned as have no remedies been proffered that would repair the financial policies that led us to the precipice. I want to see the perp walk of Fannie and Freddie executives, “all democrats” and attend the perfunctory water boarding and summary hanging. I need that for closure. Look, there is a small circle of liberal democrats who almost brought down our entire economy and friggin John McCain doesn’t want to assign blame.

Fine John, but please stop adulterating our Sarah by having her parrot your talking points. You know, you can take this to the bank, when McCain does anything to rally the conservative base, you can bet your ass he will eventually spit in our eye.

What the white haired Napoleon doesn’t get is that this is a gold mine, not just for him but the entire Republican Party. We have the democrats, bent over with their shorts down and John McCain is offering lube.

Now is not the time to go milquetoast, now is the time to go mad dog mean and take it to these greedy social engineers and mop the damn floor with them. It’s time to take the gloves off John and go medieval on these mental midgets and rap this thing up.

Look, if you don’t have the testicular fortitude to boat this bass then take your bulldog of the leash and watch it all on Fox news. Stop trying to turn Sarah into a republican stepford wife and let her be her.

Let’s face it, and UN-deny an undeniable truth, McCain is in this only because of the plot twist that is Sarah Palin. She is his ticket to ride. McCain needs to stop treating her like a plow horse and let her run like the thorough bred she is. If you want to win John, if I may call you John is this; the democrats own this financial meltdown and you seem unwilling to actually pin that tail on their donkey. Let Sarah do it and stop controlling her. Put Sarah in the coliseum with those rascally democrat lions. My guess is they’ll be a rug on her vice presidential floor.

Conservative Springfield 30 Sep 08

Step into the light Democrats

In a sane world, democrats would be too ashamed to show their faces in public much less have the unmitigated audacity to blame President Bush and the republicans for our current financial woes. The common denominator in all of our market meltdowns is Freddie and Fannie, the sandbox of the Democratic Party. Democrats were in charge of the two behemoth bastions of bullish bloviating while their incestuous Democratic leaders in Washington held the curtain hiding their indiscretions. Good work if you can get it and by the way, our responsible media ignored the whole damn thing. And, this wasn’t an accidental oversight by powerful Democrats, oh no, what we have seen from the left only confirms a suspicion I’ve held for some time; they are out to destroy this country.

There can be no other conclusion when an objective observation is undertaken. It was the democrats that gave us Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid. Suffer just one of these institutions hoisted upon the American taxpayer and insolvency will eventually follow. It is the democrats who insure we will continue to fund our enemies by placing our natural resources off limits. It is the democrats who created the sub-prime mortgage ensuring those flipping burgers at McDonalds are granted access to $250,000.00 homes. It was the democrats who created welfare thereby obligating taxpayers to support people they don’t know and lifestyles they are disapproving of. It is the democrats who reward poverty, a guarantee that we will have more of it. It is the democrats who punish success by engaging in class warfare and confiscatory tax burdens on achievement.

By these acts and others, no reasonable contrarian explanation is possible. We have a party whose leadership is hell bent on destroying America as it currently exists. Exploring their motives for this destruction is Pavlovian in nature as a majority of the electorate cannot fathom such heresy. Yet, here it is, on display daily from the loony liberal left. Personally I care as much about their motives as I do about the latest Rap Song or what Brittney is doing these days; for me their motives are irrelevant and inconsequential. Our focus should not be on such trivialities or trappings but instead upon destroying them politically. And, for those huddled masses of democrats across the fruited plane they will have to look past their hatred of George Bush and realize their party has left them. Remember, Ronald Reagan began his political career as a democrat and said, “I didn’t leave the democrat party, they left me”. Ditto Zell Miller.

Conservative Springfield 29 SEP 08

Doomsday; It is coming, trust me !!!

The doomsday clock for our economy is just about to ignore the snooze button and blaringly wake this country up. Trust me, it will happen. The reasons are quite evident and before we get to the collapse let’s examine the root cause. In 2001 because of a looming recession legacy from the Clinton administration entwined with the bloodthirsty attack on 9-11 the federal interest rate was lowered from 6% to 1%. Cheap money will always find a home and it did. Most noticeably in the mortgage market, enter Fannie and Freddie. Both government backed mortgage whores run by Clintonista’s and protected by powerful democrats in the senate and the house. In 2004 fed rates went from 1% to 5.75% and began what would be the bubble bursting we have idly witnessed. The rest is history, or soon will be.

Present day, congress will, “in some form” pass a bailout scheme and indebt the taxpayer for not $700 billion dollars but chase this rat all the way into the hole to the tune of $2 trillion dollars. And, by the way, without any reforms; what is missing is a structural fix systemic to the tsunami of default endemic because of the systematic hierarchy encompassing our mortgage markets. Local banks grant loans and bundle them off to Fannie and Freddie. Once the evil twins take that paper the banks that approved the mortgage have no further liability, a simple fix, to be sure, yet one that the democratic congress seems unwilling to even consider or discuss. I, your humble, local genius, instinctively know the solution and you the reader are blessed by my knowledge. Really, don’t you just drop to your knees, each and every day and thank God you have access to my giant brain? Well, if you don’t you should. Simply put, for you lovable liberals, attach the mortgage to the issuer. No matter who buys the bundle of a particular mortgage it follows the issuer around like a shadow. If it defaults, it comes home, to the bank that approved it. Simple and brilliant, that’s me.

Now, what will happen, trust me. This bailout has zero chance of working. 1% money infected more than the financial markets, it just hasn’t shown its ugly head yet, it will. Think credit cards, automobiles, RV’s, etc. There is no cure and what will happen undoubtedly, assuredly, change America and the world forever. It will start slowly then build to a crescendo. A few banks will fail, followed by some behemoth hedge funds. Then, the dominoes will begin to fall. As America realizes the FDIC to be insolvent, no matter the rush to re-fund it, America will rush to withdraw their savings. This will create a panic. The media will pour fire on this firestorm by reporting the financial calamity. The panic will intensify until we see a complete collapse of our economy. It won’t be like 1929 when Herbert Hoover was president, “despite what Joe Biden says” because America is much more urban and less rural. We rely more on technology. In 1929 our economy was bed rocked on industry and agriculture. The great depression suffered 25% un-employment. The depression of 2008 will encompass a full fledged meltdown. Our economy is reliant on spending. Our GDP is 70% spending, a reflection of our soon to be un-employment rate. In 1929 we had shanty towns. In 2008 we will have riots and marshal law. We can expect 1200% inflation and the end of America as we know it.

Yet, let’s be clear; this will happen. Trust my giant brain and your ability to comprehend my written word. We will be assigning blame and let’s get it right for once. Jimmy Carter and his community investment act, Billy Clinton and his terrorizing of our financial institutions, the fed and lest we forget, the democrats at Fannie and Freddie, may they all burn in Hell.

Conservative Springfield 24SEP 08

Evil Conservative Industries

Social Security and Medicare are almost broke. Soon, they will be insolvent. And, you’re wondering what to do with your elderly relative. Without that monthly check grandma will be useless to you, an anchor around your neck. It’s not like you can take her out in the country and drop her off, like you would a puppy. It’s just not politically correct. What if she found her way home? What would the neighbors think? Our friends, here at Evil Conservative Industries® we feel your pain and we can help. We’ve teamed up with the good folks at AARP® and created one of the most innovative products to ever come between you and your money. We call it, “Happy Valley”.

Happy Valley is a retirement rest home for those unwanted seasoned citizens that have become a burden to you and your family. But, we know what you’re thinking; without Medicare, without Social Security, how can I afford Happy Valley for my elderly relative?

That’s where our cost savings come in. We’ve trimmed our budget to the bone and have passed the savings on to you. But, what we haven’t scrimped on is the care. We have a top flight medical team and every one of our board certified veterinarians is only a long distance phone call away. We serve only orphanage approved gruel three times a day. Our innovative pharmacy takes advantage of factory sales of misshapen, dented and dinged medication and all of our medicines come with a patented color coded chart.

And, that’s not all! Our activities director, “corporal punishment” will introduce your senior to our wallet factory where they will be encouraged to work 12 hours a day and providing they reach their quota, will be entered in to a drawing where the winner will receive a shiny radish with their evening gruel. You’re not going to get that at the Sunshine Home!

Doesn’t your senior deserve Happy Valley? But……don’t answer yet. Let’s talk for a minute about our staff, the people who will be taking care of your relative until we dig that hole, out back. We hire only the finest illegal aliens and threaten them with deportation if they ever jab your relative with a sharp stick. That’s the kind of standards that we have. A lot of people ask us, “Why do you go to such great lengths for your residents”? It’s because we care, we care more than you.

We know you can pick any retirement home but what makes Happy Valley® so special is that if you call within the next sixty minutes we’ll include a Happy Valley® bumper sticker and a set a Ginsu knives. Operators are waiting, call now! 1-800-dump-em or 1-800-bada-bing.

Conservative Springfield 18 Sep 08

That Flushing Sound is Our Economy

For what Bill Clinton has done to this country there will be a special place in hell. Still, until Bubba actually comes face to face with the grim reaper perhaps we should consider placing the blame for this economic meltdown directly where it belongs, precisely at the feet of one Arkansas huckster who carnival barked his way into the white house.

It was Bill Clinton’s, “HUD” director who instituted zero down, zero documentation and zero accountability policies directly responsible for the majority of the default loans to come. By the way, while Clintonista, “Phillip Winn” was setting in place the policies that would later destroy this countries economy he still found time to steal 500,000 apartment complexes worth 59 billion dollars and funnel those properties to, “Aimco” corporation. Funny, Aimco just happened to be controlled by friends of Winn’s.

Well, of course Winn was prosecuted and sentenced to a lengthy prison term. But, not so fast, bubba came to the rescue with one of his patented fill in your name, presidential pardons.

But, “HUD” itself couldn’t destroy the American economy, they needed help. Enter Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. HUD needed a bankroll to bankroll this, “everyone gets a house” social engineering. With taxpayer backing and Clinton holdovers, Fannie and Freddie were the deep pockets that could deliver the American dream, even if they couldn’t afford it.

In 2004 Fannie Mae’s Chief executive; “Franklin D. Raines” was personally fined $20 million dollars for misstating the company’s earnings. Mr. Raines formerly served as Clinton’s financial adviser. He currently serves as an adviser for the messiah, Barack Yo Mama. Interesting huh?

Since 1990, Freddie Mac has contributed more than $9.7 million to federal campaigns. Fannie Mae's political action committee chalked up more than $2.9 million since 2004, according to the Center for Responsive Politics. Together, they spent some $7.4 million in lobbying in the first six months of 2008 alone. James Johnson, chairman and CEO of Fannie Mae from 1991 to 1998, is a Democratic insider who chaired Walter Mondale's presidential campaign. Over the last decade, Fannie and Freddie together hired nearly every lobby shop in Washington – so many that opponents complained that they had trouble finding someone to represent their interests.

Since 2004 those interested enough to know realized the end was near. Fannie and Freddie even began to hide their financial woes by not publishing a yearly budget report causing the New York stock exchange to threaten them with expulsion.

So, thanks to Bill Clinton and his buddies the first dominoes have begun to fall and if this meltdown can be averted it is only a temporary halt. What eventually happens will be biblical and will change America forever. At the root of our demise, the new deal, the great society and William Jefferson Clinton, may he burn in hell.

Conservative Springfield 15 SEP 08

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac for Dummies

Here’s all you need to know. This is an excrement sandwich and we’re all going to have to take a bite. Some of us will be forced to go back for seconds. Fannie Mae was foisted upon the American people in 1938 thanks to the socialist policies of the new deal, thanks Frankie D. Freddie Mac is Fannie Mae’s evil twin. Not that Fannie is as pure as the driven snow; quite the opposite.

Those of you suffering from ADD or ADHT might want to double up on your Ritalin and take notes.

Fannie and Freddie are the largest secondary mortgage buyers in the country. They are responsible for 50% of all outstanding mortgages nation wide. Here’s how it works. Let’s say you go to your local bank for a loan. Most small banks cannot set on your paper for thirty years. They don’t have that much liquidity, think cash. So, they bundle your loan with several others and sell them to hedge fund managers, larger banks or investment houses. Now, these larger institutions are buying a lot of bundled loans from all over the country. Here’s where Freddie and Fannie come in. They will buy these super bundles of mortgages and, “in a bullish housing market” slices and dices these bundles and sprinkles them throughout the investment community thereby adding liquidity to he mortgage market, think cash.

What happened? Democrats have been fighting any reform at Freddie or Fannie. Both quasi private/public companies are overseen by a house committee. Yet, in 2004 President Bush’s SEC, “securities and exchange commission” swarmed both companies with federal regulators and found they were inflating assets to reach bonus targets for their executives. Not surprisingly both companies were infested with Clinton cronies cooking the books and setting up enormous golden parachutes for themselves.

Knowing they were to big to fail and having the backing of the federal government, “our money” Freddie and Fannie stopped slicing and dicing mortgages for sale as and investment mainly because investors knew a great deal of that paper was worthless. Still, both companies hyped their assets and kept buying. After all, we, as in we the people guaranteed they could not fail.

As the bottom fell out of the housing bubble Freddie and Fannie saw their assets plummet. Yet, you have to understand how this incestuous relationship works. Most of the money Freddie and Fannie accrued to buy these bundled mortgages they borrowed from banks at short term rates. Now those notes are due and these companies haven’t the liquidity, “think cash” to pay the piper. And, a great deal of that paper they are setting on is worthless.

So, here we are. If Fannie and Freddie can’t meet their debt we’ll wake up one Monday morning and see two or three hundred banks fail. It will only get worse. The FDIC, “Federal Deposit Insurance Company” is insolvent, “think broke”. Then it’s 1929 all over again, yet worse. We are no longer an agricultural people for the most part. We have urbanized and become technologically dependent.

What we can do. We don’t have a lot of good choices; between the two giants they hold 6 TRILLION dollars in mortgage paper. Our current national budget is 3.1 trillion dollars, that’s perspective. Yes, they are too big to fail but we can make damn sure this doesn’t happen again. John Mcpalin has said he would privatize Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae by slicing them up into a lot of smaller companies and let them compete with each other without government assurances. As you might guess, the investment giants aren’t happy with this. Again, if you’re an investment firm, holding risky paper, you can always dump it on Fannie or Freddie. That’s why the investment community is the second highest contributor to Obama behind the trial lawyers. Obama has received contributions from; Goldman Sachs $653, 030, JPMorgan Chase & Co $414,760, Citigroup Inc $408,299, UBS AG $389,294, Lehman Brothers $361,482 and Morgan Stanley $307,221.

And yes, he has accepted donations from Freddie and Fannie.

The answer to this dilemma is as clear as Oprah’s bias against conservative women. Anything government touches it destroys. And, America has had enough. I don’t know what it’s going to take but I do read my e-mails and people are mad as hell. Maybe this is the tipping point but just in case I’m buying a new pitchfork and cleaning my musket.

Conservative Springfield 09SEP08