B. Hussein Osama’s Plan to Protect You from Identity Theft

You’ve heard the commercials from Todd Davis, founder and CEO of Life Lock®. He’s that guy promising to protect you from identity theft and will even give you his own social security number, that guy. Well, for some unknown reason the messiah, Obama the chosen one, is trying to put this guy out of business, no kidding. Providing his holiness is elected to the presidency and given the opportunity to institute even a portion of his publicly pronounced policies, no American citizen will have an identity worth stealing. The tax increases that would be required to pay for Barry’s social engineering would bankrupt the average American and put Life Lock® out of business. Hey, who wants to steal the identity of a person with a credit score lower than John Edwards I.Q.? As with most liberal democrats, Obamalama sees a problem and goes in search of a governmental solution and I get so tired of stating the obvious yet if not me then who. When the Obama says that government should pay for healthcare what he actually means is that you lazy bastards who chose to ride in the wagon instead of helping us that are pulling it want us, your neighbor to pay your way. Government doesn’t earn money; they take it from you and me. When government pays for something it is with our money. And look, you loony leftists; don’t even try the aged retort that big ears with pay for all of these handouts by taxing the rich and those evil corporations. Economics 101; corporations do not pay taxes. They have a fiduciary responsibility to their shareholders to give them a good rate of return on their investment. Corporate taxes are a cost of doing business and built into the price of their goods or services. Secondly, we don’t tax wealth, we tax income. President Clinton attempted to over-tax high wage earners, that idiotic practice gave us the loophole of stock options. Besides, the top fifty percent of income earners already pay 97% of the total federal tax burden. If you haven’t seen the list of Osama’s plan to move America forward and bring the needed change he claims we must have here is the short list.

1. Free health care for everyone, including illegal aliens, extraterrestrial aliens, pets, sick houseplants, Studebakers and albino deer.
2. Free daycare for every family and pet care for those women deemed barren.
3. Free flat screen televisions for the poor.
4. Post delivery abortions for children up to ten. “So, if little nine year old Timmy won’t pick up his toys; he gets aborted” I’m just saying….
5. Free worker monkeys for the obese, “Hey! Go get me a beer skippy”
6. Amnesty for those peace loving Muslims who kill their own daughters
7. Reparations for African Americans; to be paid for by those damn racists white folks that elected him
8. He would stop funding cancer research and divert those billions of dollars to a cure for sickle cell anemia.
9. He would move the White House to Hawaii
10. He would introduce a progressive tax based upon the lightness of skin color; the lighter your skin, the more you pay.
11. He would reward irresponsibility by awarding a new car to all unwed mothers.
12. He would make every African, living in Africa eligible for the earned income tax.
13. He would use, “Whiteout®” to get rid of the second amendment.
14. He would make conservatism a federal crime against humanity.
15. He would provide free college tuition for blacks, Muslims and Mexicans.
16. He would give Texas back to Mexico and give a teary eyed apology.
17. He would insist on legal equality. For every Black man arrested the police must go out and arrest at least one white man.
18. He will, by executive order mandate that Wal-Mart provide a 95% discount to all minorities.
19. He would have Ludicrous re-write the national anthem as a rap song.
20. He would put corn rows on the statue of liberty.

Let’s face it folks, fellow Americans and taxpayers. This is change we simply cannot afford. That’s why, the choice is simple……vote for me.

Conservative Springfield 14AUG08

How Liberal Presidents Destroy the World

Of course looking backwards in a historical perspective with a malevolent intent might be construed as engaging in schadenfreude yet we ignore history at our peril. As today the world bears witness to the Russian bear, out of their cage and once again doing what bears do to non-bears this would seem opportune in time and place to posit prescient, profound, paciferous, palaetiology panaesthesia. Yet, before I re-shape your opinion of a beloved and revered American let me first shine the bright light that is my immense intellect on the republic of Georgia and the naked message being boldly enunciated from the Kremlin. For those liberals in the audience, Atlanta’s safe, so far.

Russia’s message is as simple as it is dangerous, they’re back, they will do whatever they want and no one can stop them. Russia delivers to Europe 25% of their energy needs so think of it this way, Russia has become the landlord of Europe and the Europeans are merely squatters. American is engaged in the war on terror with the two major theaters being Iraq and Afghanistan. And, by the way, much of the warfare technology being used by these peace loving Muslims has the KGB seal of approval prominently plastered upon it. Russia has the misguided opinion that they can bed with terrorists in opposition to the west and then destroy them after they’ve outlived there usefulness. One might remind these Bolsheviks of the preponderance of evidence proving that when you dance with the devil; the devil doesn’t change, he changes you.

Russia is back in the black hat for one and just one reason; energy. The country is literally floating in light sweet crude and has more natural gas than Michael Moore after a large dinner at casa taco buffet. And, with the recent supply and demand issues causing a disproportional spike in energy prices, “thank-you democrats” they are now loaning God money.

So, with no real impediments, Russia will eventually re-take Georgia, “just for fun” but the real prize at the carnival is the Ukraine, the bread basket of the former soviet union. The supply of energy and especially the suppliers, at current market prices, will become the new world super powers and wield power and influence from sea to shiny sea and it is the intent of these boisterous Bolsheviks to corner the market, and return Russian pride where it belongs; in the ass pocket of one power hungry Vladamir Putin.

Now, for the historical perspective, one not often opined upon. One might argue, and I do, that were it not for the left leaning, communist loving, Franklin Delano Roosevelt the world as we know it would be a very different place indeed; and I don’t mean we would all be speaking German. What I am quite eloquently pondering upon is what if, just what if; Roosevelt had listened to General Patton and Prime Minister Churchill. Patton proffered in language that would have never received FCC approval today that, sooner or later we’re going to have to take on these bastards, “the Russians” and since we had the Army in Europe to do it, Why not just light that candle and get that party started?

Prime Minister Churchill advised Roosevelt; “at Yalta” not to give the Russians a damn thing, yet, Franky R. gave away Eastern Europe sentencing millions of people to death, gulags and the formation of the USSR. Lest we forget, had Roosevelt followed the advice of either of these men there would never have been a Soviet Union, a nuclear arms race, a fifty year cold war, Vietnam, the Cuban missile crisis, Cuban existence or the need for Ronald Reagan to put the bear back in the cage. But Roosevelt instead chose the advice of Alger Hiss, his most trusted advisor and later ousted as working for the communists by Richard Nixon. Now, the question is; can we ever cage this bear again?

Conservative Springfield 13Aug08

Why Do Blacks Vote Democrat?

With my enormous intelligence I just don’t get it, at all. Well, maybe I do, yet it makes little sense. Why is it that a full 90% of Blacks, “African Americans” whatever in the hell is the politically correct nomenclature, why oh why is it that, in lockstep they vote democrat? Historically it is incomprehensible. It was the northern founders, “the soon to be republicans” who argued against slavery. It was these men who included within our constitution that blacks be counted as 3/5ths of a man, not to denigrate them, but to lessen the influence of southern congressional delegates as delegates were applied, based upon census. Counting blacks as only 3/5ths of a man lowered the southern census and by law lowered the amount of southern delegates to the continental congress. It always comes down to math doesn’t it? Fast forward to 1861, it was Lincoln, a republican who signed the emancipation proclamation and sent 600,000 souls to the Promised Land to end this abhorrent custom known as slavery. Let’s keep moving forward, in 1964 President Lyndon Johnson, attempting to fulfill one of John F. Kennedy’s campaign promises had to go to the republicans in congress to get his civil rights legislation passed. Most democrats opposed this legislation and many even attempted a filibuster. Wait a minute; I left something out that just might offer some insight into this phenomena. It was also Lyndon Johnson who began the great society. For those of you unfamiliar with this historical concept, you have me, all knowing, and all telling. The great society brought us welfare, food stamps, public housing and affirmative action. All sweetness and light, right? Not so fast Fred. What this social engineering did was to replace the father in minority families with the government. And, by making poverty just comfortable enough they encouraged its continuance.

So, there it is, the democrats bought the Black vote and continue to do so. Ponder this, the African American unwed mother percentages were 22% in the 1960’s. Today they hover around 70%. One might argue that this dependence on government is intentional; it is the umbilical cord to the Democrat Party that perpetuates poverty and need. Further, it is a national disgrace.

Add to this formulaic fettering of a disadvantaged minority demographic the general practice of the leftists prone to punishing success and promoting schadenfreude among the great unwashed as if to say; we’ve screwed the rich, just for you. While, all the numerical data collected correctly posits that a mere one percent of the wealthy inherited their wealth. The rest of the rich earned it, the old fashioned way.

This is the inarguable position of conservatives, we believe success should be rewarded and those in poverty should not be made just comfortable enough to exist in it but should be encouraged to run from it. They need to hear from their leaders that in this country they can go as far as their ability, aptitude and ambition can take them. Instead, what they hear from the black leadership is there isn’t a level playing field. Conservatives would rather raise people from poverty than punish success.

An apt parable would be the child that never leaves the nest and is never pushed from it. I’m just saying….

Conservative Springfield 08AUG08

Economics 101 and those EVIL OIL Companies

So, B. Hussein Obama, the messianic, desires to give to every American, “when he says every, he means those Americans riding in the cart, instead of pulling it” a $1000.00 rebate to help offset the high prices of energy. To pay for this government largess he plans to pick the pockets of Evil big oil. I wish these democrats would pick an enemy and stay with them. Last month it was the oil speculators pulling down Americas pants and bending us over, now it’s big oil screwing us and without the lubricant they themselves create. As I contemplate my next scintillating QWERTY quote I am struck by the absolute idiocy one must possess to take either position. Look folks, this is such a target rich environment I’m not sure where to begin. Wait a minute, sure I do, let’s take on their last argument first, those evil capitalists’ speculators who not only want to drive up the price of oil, they also want to eat your children, especially minority children. I have some experience here and could opine and dazzle you for pages and pages yet, brevity being the soul of wit I’ll simplify what is actually very simple. Speculators are betting on the future yet cannot change it. Think of it this way, you bet on a football game, you are speculating on the winner yet, your bet will not affect the outcome of the game. This is what I do, make the complex, simple and the best part is the education I bestow upon you, my loyal readers is absolutely free. That is unless you choose to send me a check, please make it out to cash; and let’s keep the IRS out of this, shall we.

Let us now assail the lefts latest charge last, yet not least. Exxon-Mobil reported a quarterly profit of $11 billion dollars. What you haven’t heard is that during that quarter they paid $33 billion dollars in taxes. Exxon’s return on investment was 10%, well below the S&P 500 average of 11.5%. So, in all actuality they are under performing. Now, certainly $11 billion is a large amount but it is merely reflective of their enormous investment. If you deposit $100.00 dollars in a passbook account and I deposit $100,000.00 in the same type of account my profit will be much greater than yours. And, lest we forget, Exxon-Mobil is a publicly held company. Sure, there are a relatively few top executives at the top making fortunes but the real winners when companies show a profit are the share holders. Recently, the genius economists Walter Williams pointed out that if you took all of Exxon’s profits and the salaries of its top executive’s gas prices would drop a nickel a gallon for two weeks. While I have your undivided attention I would also like to slay another straw dog put forth by these mental midgets led by this big eared, Christ like, all merciful Obama. Oil companies do not set the price for crude. The markets, “or the buyers” set the price, after all, it is a commodity. These public pontificating posits are as preposterous as farmers setting the price for corn. The buyers, “markets” set the price. This is economics 101 and apparently the chosen one slept through that class when he attended the prestigious and pernicious, all exalted Harvard University.

And, let us pose a question; why is Evil, big oil, these money grubbing polar bear hating, child eating, capitalists being vilified by these leftist loons? Why choose them as a target for unabashed hatred and debauchery? Hmmm? Why doesn't Mr. Obama slap a windfall profits tax on sectors of the economy that have fatter margins? Electronics make 14.5 cents per dollar and computer equipment makers take in 13.7 cents per dollar, according to the Census Bureau. Microsoft's margin is 27.5 cents per dollar of sales. Call out Mr. Obama's Windfall Profits Police! At the same time, the financial services industry took in $498.5 billion in profits, the retail industry walked away with $137.5 billion, and information technology companies made off with $103.4 billion. What kind of special outrage does Mr. Obama have for these companies? Look these denigrations of Evil oil are simply vilifying an easy target and playing to the least common denominator. There are far too many Americans out there who matriculated through our public school system and either dropped out or graduated with a gentlemen’s “D” average. The American electorate has been purposely been ill educated and cannot grasp basic economic principals. I can remember taking both civics and economics in high school. Today neither class is taught in our schools. I wonder why?

Conservative Springfield 07AUG08

It’s about damn time

At 6:00 local time, “Texas” Jose Medellin, Despite a International Court of Justice Ruling and a hearing before the Unites States Supreme Court will finally pay full price for the torture and rape of two young girls. I re-post this only because of its relevance, well, that and knowing he’s about assume room temperature and stand before his maker gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling. Thank God for Texas and may he burn in hell.

Jennifer Ertman and Elizabeth Pena were 14 and 16 years old, respectively. They were friends who attended the same high school in Houston, Texas. On June 24, 1993, the girls spent the day together....and then died together.

They were last seen by friends about 11:15 at night, when they left a friend's apartment to head home, to beat summer curfew at 11:30. They knew they would be late if they took the normal path home, down W. 34th Street to Jester, both busy streets. They also knew they would have to pass a sexually-oriented business on that route and so decided to take a well-known shortcut down a railroad track and through a city park to Elizabeth's neighborhood.

The next morning, the girls parents began to frantically look for them, paging them on their pagers, calling their friends to see if they knew where they were, to no avail. The families filed missing persons reports with the Houston Police Department and continued to look for the girls on their own. The Ertmans and Penas gathered friends and neighbors to help them pass out a huge stack of fliers with the girls' pictures all over the Houston area, even giving them to newspaper vendors on the roadside.

Four days after the girls disappeared, a person identifying himself as 'Gonzalez' called the Crime Stoppers Tips number. He told the call taker that the missing girls' bodies could be found near T.C. Jester Park at White Oak bayou. The police were sent to the scene and searched the park without finding anything. The police helicopter was flying over the park and this apparently prompted Mr. 'Gonzalez' to make a 911 call, directing the search to move to the other side of the bayou. When the police followed this suggestion, they found the badly decaying bodies of Jenny and Elizabeth.

Jennifer Ertman's dad, Randy Ertman, was about to give an interview regarding the missing girls to a local television reporter when the call came over a cameraman's police scanner that two bodies had been found. Randy commandeered the news van and went to the scene that was now bustling with police activity. The Media’s first knowledge of the death of Jennifer was seeing Randy, on the news that evening, screaming at the police officers who were struggling to hold him back, "Does she have blond hair?? DOES SHE HAVE BLOND HAIR?!!?"

Fortunately, they did manage to keep Randy from entering the woods and seeing his daughter's brutalized body and that of her friend Elizabeth, but they were unable to escape that fate themselves. Reporters saw hardened, lifelong cops get tears in their eyes when talking about the scene more than a year later. The bodies were very badly decomposed, even for four days in Houston's brutal summer heat and humidity, particularly in the head, neck and genital areas. The medical examiner later testified that this is how she could be sure as to the horrible brutality of the rapes, beatings and murders.

The break in solving the case came from, of course, the 911 call. It was traced to the home of the brother of one of the men later sentenced to death for these murders. When the police questioned 'Gonzalez', he said that he had made the original call at his 16 year-old wife's urging. She felt sorry for the families and wanted them to be able to put their daughters' bodies to rest. 'Gonzalez' said that his brother was one of the six people involved in killing the girls, and gave police the names of all but one, the new recruit, whom he did not know.

His knowledge of the crimes came from the killers themselves, most of who came to his home after the murders, bragging and swapping the jewelry they had stolen from the girls.

While Jenny and Elizabeth were living the last few hours of their lives, Peter Cantu, Efrain Perez, Derrick Sean O'Brien, Joe Medellin and Joe's 14 year old brother were initiating a new member, Raul Villareal, into their gang, known as the Black and Whites. Raul was an acquaintance of Efrain and was not known to the other gang members. They had spent the evening drinking beer and then "jumping in" Raul. This means that the new member was required to fight every member of the gang until he passed out and then he would be accepted as a member. Testimony showed that Raul lasted through three of the members before briefly losing consciousness.

The gang continued drinking and 'shooting the breeze' for some time and then decided to leave. Two brothers who had been with them but testified that they were not in the gang left first and passed Jenny and Elizabeth, who were unknowingly walking towards their deaths. When Peter Cantu saw Jenny and Elizabeth, he thought it was a man and a woman and told the other gang members that he wanted to jump him and beat him up. He was frustrated that he had been the one who was unable to fight Raul.

The gang members ran and grabbed Elizabeth and pulled her down the incline, off of the tracks. Testimony showed that Jenny had gotten free and could have run away but returned to Elizabeth when she cried out for Jenny to help her.

For the next hour or so, these beautiful, innocent young girls were subjected to the most brutal gang rapes that most of the investigating officers had ever encountered. The confessions of the gang members that were used at trial indicated that there were never less than 2 men on each of the girls at any one time and that the girls were repeatedly raped orally, anally and vaginally for the entire hour. One of the gang members later said during the brag session that by the time he got to one of the girls, "she was loose and sloppy." One of the boys boasted of having 'virgin blood' on him.

The 14-year-old juvenile later testified that he had gone back and forth between his brother and Peter Cantu since they were the only ones there that he really knew and kept urging them to leave. He said he was told repeatedly by Peter Cantu to "get some". He raped Jennifer and was later sentenced to 40 years for aggravated sexual assault, which was the maximum sentence for a juvenile.

When the rapes finally ended, the horror was not over. The gang members took Jenny and Elizabeth from the clearing into a wooded area, leaving the juvenile behind, saying he was "too little to watch". Jenny was strangled with the belt of Sean O'Brien, with two murderers pulling, one on each side, until the belt broke. Part of the belt was left at the murder scene, the rest was found in O'Brien's home. After the belt broke, the killers used Jenny’s own shoelaces to finish their job. Medellin later complained that "the bitch wouldn't die" and that it would have been "easier with a gun". Elizabeth was also strangled with her shoelaces, after crying and begging the gang members not to kill them; bargaining, offering to give them her phone number so they could get together again.

The medical examiner testified that Elizabeth's two front teeth were knocked out of her brutalized mouth before she died and that two of Jennifer's ribs were broken after she had died. Testimony showed that the girls' bodies were kicked and their necks were stomped on after the strangulations in order to "make sure that they were really dead."

The juvenile pled guilty to his charge and his sentence will be reviewed when he turns 18, at which time he could be released. The other five were tried for capital murder in Harris County, Texas, convicted and sentenced to death. The Ertmans and Penas know too well the awful things that they had to hear and see in the course of seeing Justice served for their girls.

Two VERY important things in the criminal justice system have changed as a result of these murders. After the trial of Peter Cantu, Judge Bill Harmon allowed the family members to address the convicted. This had not previously been done in Texas courts and now is done as a matter of routine.

The other change came from the Texas Department of Corrections which instituted a new policy allowing victims' families the choice and right to view the execution of their perpetrators.

Derrick Sean O'Brien, 31, was executed by lethal injection on 11 July 2006 in Huntsville, Texas for the rape, murder and torture of the two innocent teenage girls. News crews came out to cover the story of two bodies being discovered in a Houston park. O'Brien was caught on videotape in the crowd that gathered at the scene of the discovery. He was smiling.

If you aren’t ball batting your computer monitor at this point, you will. Joe Medellin was, “rightly” sentenced to death in 1993 and has had his case reviewed by the United States Supreme Court. His conviction and death sentence were affirmed.

Forget about the Border; I have solved the problem

Look, I solve problems for a living, it’s what I do. So, combining that talent with the absolute brilliance I possess and put on display daily, who better to put together a comprehensive plan that will finally secure our southern borders from those scofflaws swarming and swimming across the Rio Grande to the land of milk and honey only to take advantage of our, “too many” social services programs and suckle at the teat of our benevolent, bloated, bureaucratic, “hell bent on bankrupting our country” government.

Before I begin my foray into absolute literary genius I have but one question, for you, the lucky reader of this soon to be award winning composition. Honestly, don’t you daily drop to your knees and thank God you have access to my mind, wit and infinite wisdom. It’s okay to admit it, everyone does, or should.

Alright, let’s tackle this national scourge with fervor and together we can put an end to these backdoor break-ins.

First, whosever idea it was to place homeland security in charge of border enforcement should be water boarded with extreme prejudice, and more than once. It’s akin to putting Bill Clinton in charge of girl’s volleyball. Let’s put someone in charge of border security who would tackle this mandate with a vengeance unseen in recent history. The best part, the man I would appoint is an expert tracker, Ted Nugent. You heard me right, it wasn’t a typo, and we need Uncle Ted in charge of border security.

Second, the Rio Grande River these sneakers are treading in needs to be stocked with alligators, lots of them. Hey, this is nothing new, alligators have attacked and eaten Mexicans before, and “rumor is they taste like chicken”. When we see hundreds of sombreros floating down the Rio Grande and bloated alligators, well, we know it’s working.

One thing I should have pointed out earlier, I’ve been to the border, in several states and I was struck by the lack of signage. I didn’t see one, “keep out, no trespassing or private property sign”, how about one of those bright neon signs that reads, “No Vacancy” And this just came to me; it is as disgusting as it is brilliant. We get some poor out of work photographer, down on his luck to take a picture of Rosie in a tank top and thong. Then we construct thousands of brightly lit billboards with her picture prominently displayed with the caption, “guess what Juan Jose Lopez Guadalupe, all of our women look just like her, as a matter of fact she was last years Miss America”. If you’ve just finished a meal I apologize and would imagine you to be hugging porcelain and purging the contents of that happy meal, sorry.

Now, for you pacifists, terrorist cuddling, weak kneed, Kumbaya crowd I issue a stern warning and don’t be complaining later that a disclaimer wasn’t forthcoming and prominent. For you and you know who you are, stop reading at this point because I can guaran-damn-tee you will be offended, I’m just saying….

With Ted Nugent, “the Nuge” in charge of our back door, and knowing Ted and his love of deer hunting our border will become a very dangerous place for these country hoppers. I mean look, we have a lot of deer hunters in this country, real Americans. Alright, admittedly this will require even more construction. About every 1000 yards or so, we sink a telephone pole and hang a dear stand atop it. Hey, if these salsa eating, surreptitious, sneaky invaders happen to escape the alligators, ignore our signage and in some sick perverted way find Rosie O’Donnell acceptable and somewhat appealing, well they will now face our final line of defense, Uncle Ted and his swarms of dear hunters; locked and loaded. Listen up here, if someone is so foolish as to break into the back door of my home, rest assured this criminal idiot will achieve room temperature quite quickly and the coroner doing the autopsy on this home invading dreg with have to resort to using a calculator just to get an accurate count of the bullet wounds.

If we’re honest with ourselves these invaders are no different. They are breaking into our back door, that’s where the deer hunters come in. I’m betting as the bodies start piling up on the borders most of these interlopers will get the message. I’m thinking the smell alone might be a deterrent.

See what happens when a real problem solver commits vast intellect to solving the problems facing our country? You can thank me later.

Conservative Springfield 04Aug08

His Lord Almighty the Messiah Obama

And it came to pass, in the waning days of Bush a man appeared. He was a humble man of simple means and the man spaketh unto the media saying, “Dost thy know that from this day forward to eternity I am your Lord and God, Barack the Obama, king of kings?” And the media rejoiced for their messiah was amongst them and they cried, “Halleluiah, praise be for our Lord Obama”. For the media knew that vanquished would be the evil Bush, enemy of nations and man. And life was good. It was then that the Obama spake again and said unto his media disciples. “Only the righteous among you may suckle at my glorious teat and the path to righteousness requires the faithful to go out amongst those who have not come to me as their personal savior and witness the path to redemption requires an unbending fidelity to Obama the messiah, thy Lord God”. It was then the disciples of the Obama swarmed across the land testifying and preaching the word of their savior. But then the most evil appeared and called himself McCain. And the sky darkened and pestilence, disease and famine swept across the land. Fertile women suddenly became barren, children burst into flames, dogs were sleeping with cats, Britney Spears put panties on, Paris Hilton stopped making porn movies, Polar bears started committing suicide, the evil Bush began water boarding puppies, grandmothers started smoking crack, cowboys began molesting their horses, nude pictures of Rosie O’Donnell surfaced on the internet, ugly people started going outside during the daytime, Hookers doubled their prices while decreasing their services, Jim Beam stopped making Bourbon, California slipped into the ocean, France invaded Alabama, Cuba towed Florida onto their shores, new cars rusted overnight, nursing homes collapsed, babies stopped suckling and went on hunger strikes, Congress went on a killing spree, televisions imploded, gas rose to $2 billion dollars a gallon, Nuclear weapons began to detonate, flood waters arose, fire rained down from the sky and the disciples of Obama said, “Lord where art thou, why have thee forsaken us?” And then he appeared, thy Lord Obama, king of kings. And with a wave of his messianic hand the world was right again. Hookers lowered their prices, Britney Spears took off her panties and those Paris Hilton videos, “that I’ve never watched” Wink-wink, once again began to appear on those porn sites that I never visit. I know what you’re thinking, How do I know they’ve reappeared if I don’t frequent those sites? Hey, it was simply research, mind your own business. Where was I? Oh, and saint Obama his holiness cured all of the worlds ills and banished the evil McCain to France, where he began doing French male pattern baldness commercials. And all was well with the world. That is until Obama the most merciful lost the deed to America in a crap game with Canada, I’m just saying……

Conservative Springfield 01AUG08